Bachelor Hospitality – Everyday Etiquette
The number of single-person families has been gradually increasing in recent decades, and this trend is expected to continue in the future. This will have ramifications for males and our way of life, particularly in the family.
Marion Harland and Virginia Van de Water authored a chapter about Bachelor Hospitality in their 1905 book ‘Everyday Etiquette’, which you may see here.
This chapter might be beneficial to a man who wants to learn more about how to handle a family.
Few people currently consider hiring a maid to look after their home, but if you can afford it, why not?
However, keep in mind that most of the etiquette literature created at the time was aimed at upper-class individuals who could afford staff and larger homes and mansions.
However, this literature has a wealth of useful information about bachelor's hospitality that may be applied to today's culture.
HOSPITALITY FOR BACHELORS
The bachelor no longer has no home, no means of entertaining his friends, no lares and penates, and no "ain fireside." He is now an independent householder, either keeping house with a corps of efficient servants, presided over by a competent housekeeper, or having a small apartment of his own, attended by a man-servant or maid if he eats his meals in this apartment. He chooses to avoid cleaning duties and live in a small apartment with two or three rooms, eating at a restaurant.
He becomes the most self-reliant of beings. If he can afford a guy to clean his quarters and iron his clothing, all the better. If not, he hires a lady to clean his flat on a regular basis, and she is in charge of his bed-making and dusting, or he does it himself if he is particularly deft, organized, and hardworking.
He is free to entertain any of the aforementioned scenarios. He may enjoy an afternoon tea, a reception, or a chafing-dish supper after the performance. He can't serve a typical dinner in his rooms unless he has his own suite with a dining room, kitchen, and butler's pantry. He can, however, invite his pals to a variety of casual, bohemian gatherings. He may hire a guy to assist him and have everything ready when the host and his part/ arrive at the apartment for the after-theater meal, for example.
The host will make the exquisite chafing dish, and with it, items provided by a nearby caterer, such as sandwiches, ice cream, and cakes, may be distributed. In a Vienna coffee pot, one may prepare his own coffee. The entire event is enjoyable, relaxed, and bohemian in the finest sense of the word.
A chaperon is an absolute must for every bachelor’s party.
On such situations, the presence of a married lady is required.
The host may be gray-haired and many years older than his visitors, but as an unmarried man, he must have a chaperon for his ladies. If he objects, he must accept the fact that he will only entertain people of his own sex.
it doesn't matter how old this vital member of the social gathering is, as long as she has the prefix "Mrs." after her name. She may only have been married for a few weeks, but the fact that she is married is all that matters.
The would-be host then engages his chaperon, asking her to aid him in his welcoming endeavours as a favour. She should accept politely, but the male will indicate that he is honoured by her accepting this position for him by his demeanour. She must appear at his apartments quickly at the time specified, since it would be most inappropriate for one of the young women to come before the matron. She has the option of accompanying a group of the females who have been invited. The host defers to her, seeks counsel from her, and treats her with great respect.
If there is tea to be served, like at an afternoon party, she is the one who is asked to do it, and she may, with a lovely air of taking charge, manage things as if she were at her own house, while keeping in mind that she is a visitor. In this case, subtlety and a working understanding of the world's ways are crucial. Unless she accompanies the final visitor, or a carriage is waiting for her, the chaperon must remain until the last female departs. After then, it is entirely up to the host to give his escort.
The host conveys his gratitude for her kind services, and she communicates her gratitude for the praise he has offered her.
The afternoon tea, in its numerous forms, is perhaps the easiest kind of entertainment for the single guy to provide in his own quarters. For this event, the male must write personal messages or ask his visitors orally rather than using cards. It's a good idea for him to bring a few pals who can provide music to break up the boredom. If he had a musically brilliant buddy whom he would happily bring in front of the audience, he may use the presence of this friend as a good justification for his afternoon reception.
He may write something like this after securing the chaperon's acceptance:
“Miss Brown, my dear: I’d be thrilled if you and a few other fine people could join me for tea at my apartment on Tuesday afternoon about four o’clock. Mr. Frank Merrill, one of my friends, will be with me at that time, and he sings quite well, I believe. I’d like my music-loving pals to be able to hear him in my rooms at the time specified. Please come!
10th of October, 1999”
If feasible, a maid or a man in livery should be present at the door at this time; but, if this is not possible, and the occasion is casual, the host may enter his guests and walk them to the door when they go. Thin bread and butter sandwiches, little cakes, and tea with sugar, cream, and thin slices of lemon are the only refreshments required.
These things are laid on a well prepared table in one part of the room, and are presided over by the chaperon, who also goes around among the visitors, speaking with each and every one as if she were in her own drawing-O room, when the occasion arises. If the male has many rooms, one of them might be used as a dressing room for the women to place their wraps. The jackets and hats of the men-guests may be left on the hull table or rack.
When the visitors leave, the host could thank the women for making his flat bright and appealing for the day. It is always appropriate for a guy to demonstrate that his woman-guest has honoured him by her presence through his demeanour.
An evening event may be held in the same manner, except instead of tea, coffee and chocolate might be served. Alternatively, the host may offer simply cake and coffee, punch, or ices in addition to the cake and coffee.
If a bachelor is also a homeowner and runs a regular menage, he has the same rights as a lady to host a meal in his home. He spends time with his chaperon first, then invites his visitors. The chaperon is the honoured visitor, who is escorted to dinner by the host and seated on his right. It's also where she makes the announcement that the women should leave the men to their cigars and coffee and enter the drawing room. After a few moments, the ladies are joined by the men or, at the the least, by the host, who may, if he so desires, allow his male guests to stay in the dining room a little longer than he does.
They will not, however, take use of this privilege for long, but will instead follow their host to the drawing room after five or ten minutes have passed.
A guy who is unable to entertain in his own rooms may reciprocate by providing a supper or dinner at a restaurant or hotel. If the party is gonna be made up of unmarried people, he must still have a chaperon. For an event like this, he books his table and orders the food ahead of time, inspecting the flowers and decorations to ensure they are exactly what he wants.
It is his responsibility to accompany the chaperon to the restaurant and seat her on his right. Everything is so well-organized at well-run restaurants that the course of the evening will unfold without the host having to worry about it. This is unquestionably the opulence of entertaining. If the host desires to place an order, he should approach a waiter and, in a quiet tone, offer the appropriate advice or place the order. At this point, the chaperon's job is to keep the conversation going — in other words, to act as if she were the hostess.
After the meal, the host conducts his guests to the restaurant's front entrance, where he goes to the different carriages with the women, then summons the chaperon's carriage and accompanies her to her house.
The host may present corsage flowers for the ladies and boutonnieres for the guys at a bachelor dinner. It's also a lovely complement for him to present flowers to the chaperon during his afternoon or evening reception. But this isn't necessary, and it's a complement that may be skipped in the case of a man who has to think about the little things in life.
Of course, the bachelor entertainer does not receive a dinner invitation. It's barely worth mentioning that the women he has honoured should make it a point to invite him to their houses as soon as possible. It is no longer necessary to remind women of the proper attentions they may pay to an eligible and unattached male.
